Onto Eden

Title: Onto Eden

Length: IV chapters

Pairing: Harry/Draco

Genre: Major Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Romance

Warnings: tearjerker

Summary: Harry often wondered what happened to his ex. Can he handle it when he finds out?

Author's Note: So here's another tear-jerker from your's truly (please don't hate me!). The story is AU (all human) and our dear Harry works for...well, you'll find out. Read on!

Prologue

Harry stared out the window at the bleak London sky, waiting for news of his friend. He wasn't particularly concerned-thing like this happened a lot in his line of work-but he didn't think he could deal with another void in his heart.

"Mr. Potter?"

He turned around to face the doctor in the white coat. He smiled at him reassuringly.

"Your friend is fine. The bullet merely grazed her side, breaking two ribs, but her internal organs are unharmed. She should be discharged in another week to heal at home."

"Can I see her?"

"She's sedated and won't come around till morning. I suggest you come back tomorrow."

He thanked her, breathing a sigh of relief, before making his way down the sterile corridor. He hated hospitals. Too many of his comrades had died here. He was about to turn the corner towards the exit when a flash of almost white hair caught his eyes. Before he could stop himself, he turned around to have a better look, eyes widening when he recognized the slender man. He wore a simple, black trench coat and his white-blonde hair stood out like a beacon in stark contrast. He stood in a long line to the pharmacist's window and Harry vaguely wondered what he was doing there before the reality of it all slammed into him.

Heart hammering, he raced the exit and down the steps, sinking down on the last one, panting from the exertion. He couldn't believe it. It had been a whole year since Harry had had any contact with the blonde and their particular departure hadn't been pleasant. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, trying to push away the flood of memories washing over him.

He had thought he was over him, but his heart was telling him otherwise. Breathing hard, he sank onto the steps, hugging himself, eyes still closed. The wind whipped about his hair, chilling him to the bone, but he hardly heard it.

He was back in time-their last year flashing before his eyes. It was a day  after his twenty-fourth birthday . He remembered fingering the little box nervously as he approached his boyfriend. They had been living together for three years now and Harry thought it was time.

He remembered the shock and astonishment in those grey eyes when Harry knelt at his feet, taking his hand and holding out the ring.

"Draco, will you marry me?" he had hoarsely asked and Draco had only stared. A million emotions flitted in his almond eyes till he sank to his knees, cradling Harry's face in his hands and kissing him softly.

"I love you, Harry," he had said in a voice that was growing softer by  the years. "I love you more than anything, but...I can't do this. I can't marry you."

And just like that, their world crumbled. Doubts filled Harry's mind. He wondered where he had gone wrong-wondered if Draco had another man in his life. They had ugly fights and Harry spent more time on the couch than in bed. One night, a week before Christmas, he came home to an empty house.

There was no trace of Draco save for a note tacked to the fridge in his small print.

Harry,

I'm leaving. I can't do this anymore. Please, don't blame yourself. Some things just aren't meant to be. Forget me and move on.

Draco

That was the last he had heard of his ex. Harry had tried to move on. He had sex with strangers, partied at the clubs late at night, drowned himself in work, wandered the streets aimlessly drinking...but no matter what he did, his mind always brought up Draco.

He knew now he could never love anyone as much as he loved Draco. He tried going out, but the relationships always lacked something and ended in less than a month. He had stopped after the third boyfriend.

Seeing him now, standing alone in that long line, opened half-healed wounds. But Harry wasn't strong enough to staunch them now-he let them bleed.

"Are you alright?" A warm hand on his back jerked Harry from his thoughts. He raised his head, feeling the wetness of tears when the wind cooled his cheeks.

He looked up at the man kneeling beside him and froze. Surprised grey eyes mirrored his own.

"Draco..."

Draco drew back his hand and folded it in his jacket. "What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice a bit hoarse.

"My partner was shot," he replied without thinking and then shook his head.

Draco's grey eyes surveyed the blood stains on his uniforms and for a moment, Harry thought they flashed in concern.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady when the cool eyes settled on him.

"It's going to rain, Harry. You'd better get inside."  He slowly stood, one hand on the rail.

Harry bit his lip as Draco turned around. He watched him make his way down the stairs, his steps unsure and suddenly felt his heart jump to his throat.

"Draco!" he called, scrambling to his feet and jogging after him before he had time to think. He stopped in front of the man, cutting off his path. Draco stared at him patiently, although his trembling hands betrayed him.

"Tell me why you left me," Harry demanded, making up his mind to have his answers once and for all. He couldn't torture himself for the rest of his life.

"You know why, Harry. It wasn't working." And Harry stared into his grey depths till Draco was forced to drop his gaze.

"You're lying," he bit out, unable to stop the venom in his voice. "You left me, Draco, and I want to know why! What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Was the sex not good enough? Did you find someone else, Draco? Answer me dammit!"

He shouted and Draco flinched visibly. One hand snaked up to clutch his chest and Harry realized with a start that Draco was crying. His anger melted like butter. He had never known Draco to cry in front of anyone, much less in public.

Feeling immensely guilty, Harry looked away to give him some privacy as Draco wiped his eyes. He stared at the ground, then at the darkening sky. The smell of rain was in the air.

"Harry," Draco croaked and Harry immediately turned his attention on the blonde man. His eyes were a rose red and there were dark smudges under them that Harry had overlooked.

"It's not you-it never was," Draco whispered, his lips trembling. They were chapped and when Draco bit them, they started to bleed.

Instinctively, Harry reached out  and lightly pressed his thumb on the wound, staunching the blood.

Draco didn't pull away, but his eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Don't do this Harry," he croaked when Harry cradled his jaw, tracing the soft, pale skin he had missed so much.

"Why did you leave me, Draco?" Harry murmured, raising his other hand to brush Draco's flushed cheek.   "Tell me."

He could feel Draco trembling as he let his fingers slither into his hair, tracing patterns down his slender neck. Draco closed his eyes, taking in unsteady breaths. "Stop," he whispered and Harry stilled, his hands still on the warm skin.

Draco gently unlatched his hands, but Harry clutched his arm. "Draco," he warned, knowing that he was skirting about the question.

Draco squirmed, but didn't wrench away. "I wasn't ready," he muttered. "I couldn't marry you."

"We were together for three years, Draco. You can't fucking tell me you weren't ready! We hardly left the bed on some days."

Draco looked up and smiled thinly. "There is more to relationships than sex, Harry. You should know that."

Harry clenched his jaw and dropped Draco's arm. "Will you bother to tell me the real reason then? I can't read minds."

Draco ignored his anger and sighed. "What will you do if I tell you?"

Harry huffed impatiently. "What will I do? Draco do you have any idea how I've lived this past year? I tried to make things work, but you were dead intent on breaking us up! I show up one day and you're gone! You leave me a bloody note with no explanation and leave without a  trace! How do you think that made me feel? I kept wondering what I had done wrong. I looked for you everywhere. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't even get drunk in peace because you were constantly on my mind! While you went off to do god knows what, I was dying inside, Draco! What do you have to say to that, eh? How can you possibly justify you're actions now?"

"I can't," his voice was a mere whisper, but Harry heard him. He glared at his bent head, clenching his fists to keep from shaking Draco senseless.

"I'm sorry," Draco whispered and when he looked up, there were fresh tears cascading down his flushed cheeks. "I thought, if I left, you'd forget me and move on. I never meant to hurt you Harry. It's just...it was better this way.    I couldn't give you what you wanted, but if I left, you could have found it in some one else."

"I'll never love anyone the way I loved you," Harry shortly replied, "It took me less than a week to realize that. You think I didn't try? I hated what you did to me so I went to brothels. I fucked whores and I drank till I fainted, but whenever I woke up, you were the first thing on my mind. I couldn't get rid of you without killing myself first. I almost did..."

Draco gasped, wide-eyed. "Harry, you..." He blinked fast, but the tears fell anyway. "I'm sorry. I-I...Merlin! I'm sorry!"

He was trembling now, one hand clutching his chest. Harry took a shaky breath before tentatively wrapping his arms around the man. He felt him stiffen, but then lean into his embrace. Harry held him, realizing just how wonderful it felt to have the slender body pressed against his warmth.

"Why did you leave me?" he asked again, breathing in the faint smell of cologne.

He felt a hand press against his chest and he loosened his hold, but refused to relinquish it completely. Draco looked up at him, an unreadable sadness in his eyes.

"I wanted to spare you Harry," he whispered.

"Spare me what?" Harry pressed, his heart hammering loudly in his ears.

Draco seemed to take a deep breath, trying to calm himself as he parted his lips to answer. "I'm dying, Harry," he croaked and the thud of Harry's plummeting heart was drowned out by the first clap  of thunder.

one

Harry stared, his breath coming in short gasps.  "Wh-what?" he rasped, his eyes wide and mind blank.

Draco smiled at him sadly, almost gently. He removed Harry's arms around his waist and took a small step back. "I've got a brain tumor. I was diagnosed a year ago-"

"About the time you decided to leave me?" and though he tried, Harry couldn't hide the bitterness from his voice.

Draco looked away, again blinking fast. "A few weeks before I left you..."

"Why did you leave me Draco?" Harry asked for the fifth time as the clouds rumbled and the wind whipped up speed.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

Draco wrapped his arms around his slight frame, shivering slightly. "I couldn't...It took me  a while to come to terms with it, Harry, but by then we were strangers living under the same roof. I wanted to reach out to you, but I was scared. I was-I was scared you'd leave me so I didn't tell you, but...I succeeded in pushing you away anyways."

"So you thought it better to leave?"

Draco nodded. "I wasn't thinking clearly. I was overwhelmed and scared. I know how much you've been through, Harry. You put yourself on the line everyday when you wear that uniform. You've seen more people die than anyone should have to and I couldn't bare the thought of adding to your nightmares."

Harry stared hard at his bent head-at his trembling frame. He had dreamt over and over what he would say to Draco when he met him again, how he would make him pay for leaving Harry hanging, but now...Seeing Draco so broken and alone wiped away Harry's anger and all he wanted to do was take the other man in his arms.

"Draco," he murmured, reaching out and firmly clasping his wrist as the first raindrops pelted from the sky, "Let's go."

Draco didn't protest. Harry tugged him along behind him to his car and held the door open. Draco sank inside without complaint, closing his eyes with a sigh while Harry slid into the driver's seat.

"Are you ok?" he asked, when Draco remained passive.

He nodded, eyes still closed, but already his teeth were chattering. Harry turned up the heater and pulled away from the curb. Draco didn't question where they were going and soon his soft snores filled the car. Harry drove on in silence.

**

Since their split, Harry had moved out of the two-room house to a small apartment just a ways down from their old place. The house had held too many memories for Harry to cope with. He lived like a bachelor in a one-room apartment with minimum furnishings and an empty fridge. He had never been much of a cook-that was Draco's department.

Draco stirred and groggily opened his eyes as Harry pulled into the parking space. He looked out the window, blurred by the hard rain, and squinted.

"Your place?" he asked as Harry reached into the glove compartment, pulling out an umbrella.

"My apartment. I sold the house."

Draco didn't say anything when Harry handed him the umbrella. He opened the door and shook the umbrella open before stepping out, shivering almost immediately. Harry, who didn't mind the cold nor the rain, was soaked by the time they walked up the stairs and stepped inside the small place.

Harry wasted no time in turning on the heater while Draco parked the umbrella to dry and removed his splattered coat.

"You've kept it pretty clean," he said with a small smile as he surveyed the living room. It hardly looked like anyone used it. The single sofa and armchair were all the surrounded the glass coffee table. There was no tv-no flower vase or a newspaper.

"I don't use it much," Harry shrugged. "Do you want something to drink? I've got a couple teas and coffee."

"No, it's alright. I can't have caffeine."

They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment, before Harry broke the silence. "We should change. You don't mind my clothes?"

Draco nodded and Harry beckoned for him to follow. He led Draco into his thoroughly messy room and couldn't help but smile when Draco grinned.

"And here I thought you were improving," he coyly said.

Harry rummaged through his clothes, pulling a warm, clean pair of sweatpants and green sweater which he gave Draco. "There's a clean towel in the bathroom if you want to dry your hair."

He watched Draco disappear into his bathroom and sighed when the door clicked close. What was he doing? He quickly shrugged out of his wet clothes and tossed them in the hamper before pulling on  jeans and a maroon sweater. He could hear Draco sneezing and wished it wasn't so bloody cold.

Harry tried to tidy his room, tossing the clothes strewn across the floor into the overflowing closet and smoothing out his sheets. He gave up with a sigh and instead wandered into the kitchen. There was hardly anything in the pantry save for a few packets of instant ramen and canned juice.

The fridge was just as bare. He picked up a half full carton of milk and checked the date. Fishing out a couple of Hershey bars, Harry set the milk to warm and the chocolate to melt. By the time Draco joined him in the kitchen, Harry had two mugs of hot chocolate waiting.

"I hope you still like chocolate," Harry said as he handed Draco the mug.

Draco smiled. "Always. That's the one thing I won't give up no matter what." He wrapped his slender fingers around the mug, warming them as they sat on the sofa facing each other, just like they used to.

Harry watched him take tentative sips, blowing softly at the warm liquid. His lips were still chapped and he looked incredibly thin. His sharp features made him seem even more frail now. His hair looked still as soft, but it was thinner than Harry remembered, and he was far too pale.

"Draco, can we talk?" he asked and Draco nodded, his eyes grave.

"You can ask me what you want Harry," he said, seeing his nervousness. "Now that you know, there's hardly anything to hide."

Harry nodded slowly, forming the questions. "Have you-have you had chemo?"

"I had surgery," and when Harry looked at him with disbelief, he took Harry's hand and touched it to the back of his scalp. "Can you feel the scar?"

Harry ran coarse fingers down the long raised skin, feeling it through the downy blonde strands. "When?" he whispered.

"A week after I left. The doctor was in a hurry."

Harry met his eyes, still stroking his head. Draco didn't seem to mind. "And then?"

Draco sighed. "And then I had radiation therapy for six weeks everyday. I think they did chemo then, but I'm not sure. It was all awful-all the days blended in."

"Who took care of you?"

"Mum. She's been a big help. I really didn't know how strong she could be till now. She cried her eyes out when Father died remember?"

Harry did remember. Narcissa Malfoy, that slim delicate woman, had never seemed strong to Harry. "Are you going back for chemo?"

Draco smiled sadly and shook his head. "It won't help even if I did."

Harry's hand stilled in mid stroke and Draco took it in both his, weaving his long, thin fingers through Harry's own. "It's pretty bad, Harry. I was told I'd only have a year to live, but at this point, even the doc can't predict how long I have."

"There must be something they can do. Laser surgery or-or something." Harry's throat had gone dry.

"Mum already tore every medical journal looking for something." He squeezed Harry's hand, still smiling thinly. "I've probably  got less than five months and I don't want to spend it in a hospital bed taking drugs that won't help me anyways. You understand don't you?"

"No," Harry breathed, setting aside his mug and looking away. "There's got to be a way. You can't just-you can't just die Draco! There has to be something-someone...They're making breakthroughs all the time you know. Maybe-maybe if we went to the U.S. or-or Germany or something-"

"Harry," Draco gently cut in. He set down his empty mug before kneeling in  front of Harry, taking both his hands in his and peering into his moist eyes. "It's alright. I'm not afraid. I've had time to think. I've talked with Mum, settled things, and I'm alright. I don't really want to die this young, but it's alright..."

Harry knew Draco was trying to be brave for his sake. He could hear the slight tremble in his voice and the small tremors that went up his spine. He knew Draco was barely hanging on and he hated it. He hated that he was putting up a mask for his mother's sake and he hated that he was doing the same for him.

Without warning, he pulled Draco into his arms, holding his head against his shoulder. "I'm not going to leave if you cry, Draco. I'm not going to leave you ever again."

He held him and buried his face in the soft hair as he felt the wetness trickle down his neck. Draco's slight frame shuddered under the assault and Harry molded him into his lap, rocking him, whispering to him, chaffing his back while Draco sobbed.

Harry didn't know how long they both cried, but Draco was reduced to occasional hiccups and Harry to sniffs when they both looked at each other. Draco did something then that melted Harry's heart: he smiled. His flushed cheeks and dry lips seemed to glow and Harry thought he was the most beautiful man on earth.

Before he even had time to think, he closed his lips over Draco's and they were kissing, softly at first then with a need that only grew the more they realized that this was it. That time was relevant and they couldn't afford to waste even a second.

They undressed in the waning evening light and Harry pushed Draco onto his back. With greedy hands they explored each other and Draco's soft moans filled the silent hall. By the time Harry carried Draco to his bed, both were exhausted enough to drift asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

Two

Harry came around to an awful sound. He cracked open his eyes and glanced at the digital clock: 6:30 am. The sound of Draco retching drew Harry towards the bathroom and he came onto the pathetic sight of his ex-boyfriend clutching the toilet bowl and heaving.

Draco didn't notice his presence till Harry held a wet cloth to his neck, brushing his bangs off his sweaty forehead and giving him a reassuring smile. Draco smiled back thinly before his food came hurtling back again. He was clad in Harry's sweatpants but his bare torso glistened with sweat.

Harry rubbed his lean back, feeling his spine beneath the fragile skin. Draco had lost a frightful amount of weight. Harry knew cancer patients tended to lose weight, but he wondered what Draco ate-if anything at all.

After what seemed like an excruciatingly long time to Harry, Draco wiped his mouth with a shaky hand and sank on the cold tile.

"Alright?" Harry asked, wiping his lips gently.

"Yeah. 'M used to it." He chuckled weakly.

"What?" Harry smiled.

"Never thought I'd have you here to witness it." Harry helped him to his feet and Draco rinsed his mouth vigorously. Still as clean as ever, Harry thought before handing him a brand new toothbrush.

"Do you want anything to drink? Any breakfast preference?"

Draco rolled his eyes at his reflection. "Oh please Harry, you and breakfast? I doubt you even have anything in the kitchen."

Harry had the decency to blush. "Yeah, well, I mostly live off take-out. I work late. I have milk and eggs and...um carrots I think."

Draco made another face before he spit into the basin and washed his mouth. "That should do." He wiped his mouth on the towel Harry handed and gave him another sweet smile. "Freshen up. I'll put something together."

By the time Harry ventured into the kitchen, Draco had already set the table and was fumbling with some bottles behind the counter.

"Need some help?" Harry asked, holding out his hand.

Draco handed him the small bottle with a sigh. "I can't unscrew the bloody cap!. How do they expect me to take the medication?" he grumbled.

Harry snapped the bottle open with a quick twist of his wrist, holding it out to him with a flourish. Draco simply rolled his eyes before thrusting another bottle in his hands.

He popped two pills from the first bottle, washing them down with water, and two more from the second.

"What about that one?" Harry asked, pointing to a small white one that looked suspiciously like aspirin.

"Not now-that's a pain reliever for headaches, but my head seems fine today." He poked Harry playfully when he noticed his concern. "Must be the session we had yesterday. Maybe sex is therapeutic."

Harry laughed when Draco wiggled his eyebrows coyly. "We can make appointments anytime you want, lo-" he suddenly stopped and Draco froze.

They both blinked at each other and Harry could feel the blush rising on his cheeks the longer they stared. Finally, Draco found his voice to break the awkward moment.

"I-I made breakfast. We should eat it before it gets cold."

"Oh right, yeah..."

Harry followed Draco to the small circular dinning table and they both sat down to their egg omelets and steamed carrots.

"You've outdone yourself, Draco," Harry remarked as he dug in. "You should write a book: the Bare Minimum Recipes."

Draco smiled, but didn't comment. He was too busy cutting his food in small pieces. Harry watched him take a small bite and chew slowly. He didn't seem all that hungry.

They ate in silence, but each was aware of the other's every movement. What does Draco mean to me now? Harry thought. He had accidentally called him "love", an old endearment.

Harry watched Draco shuffle the food around his plate, sipping his juice, but not taking another bite. He had finished less than half and didn't seem too keen on finishing the rest. Harry wished he'd eat more.

"Draco," Harry began, "If you don't want that I can go get anything you like."

But Draco shook his head. "Oh no Harry, it's not the food. I'm-I'm never really hungry."

"But you need to eat-"

"Yeah," he ducked his head and took a small bite, giving him a smile when he looked up. But Harry was too worried to smile back.

Draco sighed and pushed his plate away. "I try, Harry, but I don't want to spend the next hour puking my guts up."

"But isn't the medicine supposed to help?"

"It did at first, but not now-not anymore," he gave him a thin smile. "Don't fret over it. I drink fluids enough and they give me a IV whenever I go in for a checkup."

"An IV?" Harry's concern only grew. "You can't get all your nutrients that way. Just tell me what you like Draco-tell me what you want right now. I'll run downtown and grab whatever it is-"

"Harry," Draco softly cut in, reaching across to touch his hand. "It's ok. You don't think you're the first to try this do you? Mum's already failed that tactic. I ate whatever she brought me, but spent the next day retching my guts out. The nausea never leaves me and, given how weak I am already, the doctor doesn't want to risk pumping stronger drugs. I'll be fine. I usually eat small meals throughout the day. I won't starve myself."

Harry finally calmed enough to give him a tight smile. "Well you let me know whenever you're hungry."

Draco laughed. "How long do you think I'm staying here? I've got to go back to the hospital this afternoon. They'll make sure my stomach's happy."

Harry fidgeted nervously with his hands under the table. "Can I drive you there?"

Draco blinked. "What about your work? Don't you have to go?"

"No-I mean, yes but I can go in late-"

"Oh no, you're not skiving work for my sake. I don't want you to get in trouble because of me."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "As if that's never happened."

Draco smirked, remembering all the mischief they had gotten up to in their college days. Oh, if only he could go back...He shook his head.

"Doesn't matter. I'll be in there for a couple hours-you never know how long it's going to take-bloody hospitals. And besides, I'd rather you didn't hover."

Defeated, Harry slumped in his chair. "Well alright, but what are you going to do after?"

Draco gave him a bemused look. "I have a place, Harry-well, technically I'm living with Mum."

"Who's going to drive you?"

"Harry Potter," Draco huffed, "I'm a twenty-five year old man who has a perfectly legal driver's license and a perfectly good car. I can drive myself wherever I want and I know the way home thanks."

Harry chuckled when Draco mocked him with a glare. He had never been intimidated by it, though he knew a few people who were. He thought it made him look rather cute.

"So you're going to go home," Harry said, "What about the evening?"

"What about it?"

"Do you have any plans?"

Draco didn't reply at once and Harry saw his eyes widen slightly. "Not really," he cautiously replied. "Why?"

Harry shrugged. "Mind if I drop by? We could go to the movies or something."

A slow smirk stretched his thin lips. "Are you asking me out to a date Harry?"

No, I'd rather just shag you again, he thought, but said, "Something like that. What do you say?"

"Have I ever said no to you?" and Harry swore Draco's cheeks darkened before he ducked his head.

Three

Harry could hardly concentrate in duty that day. His eyes kept wandering to the nearest clock, counting down the hours till he got to see Draco again. He couldn't

believe he had him back in his life and the threat of losing him again made his heart clench painfully.  By the time Harry rolled in front of Malfoy Manor, it was past sunset. Hoping Draco wouldn't mind his tardiness, he walked up the marble steps and wrapped the knocker nervously.

An old woman opened it. "Yes?" she asked, wiping her hands on an apron.

"Is Draco home? I-I was supposed to see him."

"Who is it, Marie?" Harry looked over the woman's shoulder to see Mrs. Malfoy walk into the foyer, as regal as ever.

"Harry," she said, unable to hide her surprise.

"Mrs. Malfoy, how-how are you?" Harry stuttered, completely out of his element.

Seeing his nervousness, Mrs. Malfoy smiled gently. "I am holding, Harry. Why don't you come inside? Marie, a pot of tea please."

Harry followed the old woman inside and then Mrs. Malfoy led him to the living room which he had visited often when Draco's father had been alive. He sat down in the armchair while Mrs. Malfoy sat on the sofa opposite him.

"Did Draco mention I was coming?" Harry asked, still too nervous to be comfortable. He glanced around the room, hoping for some sign of white-blonde hair.

"He did," Mrs. Malfoy replied, "and he was very happy, Harry."

Marie came in with the tea then and Harry accepted a cup out of politeness.  "Um, where is he?"

"Upstairs, in bed. He gets tired after a hospital visit."

Harry couldn't hide his concern. "He's alright though?"

"He'll be fine. He has a fever, but that's nothing new now." She sighed and set her cup down, looking at him gravely. "Harry, I need you to be honest about your intentions. Draco's already been hurt in the past and now I-"

"Mrs. Malfoy," Harry softly cut in, "I swear I'm not going to hurt Draco-I never meant to in the first place...He never told me. I only just found out."

"And you still plan to pursue a relationship?"

Harry nodded. "I never stopped loving your son. His absence only strengthened my realization and now that I've been given another chance, I want to be there for him."

Mrs. Malfoy's eyes were moist when she looked away. "He only has a couple months," she whispered.

"I know. He told me."

She closed her eyes. "Harry, he won't be able to give you what you want. My-my son is dying-"

Harry leaned over and clasped her trembling hand. "Mrs. Malfoy," she opened her eyes, meeting his own moist orbs, "I love him more than anything. I know its not going to be the same as before, but I don't care as long as I have Draco."

She smiled through her  tears, reaching out to touch his cheek. "Thank you, Harry, for understanding."

Marie came in at that moment. "Ma'm, the young master is awake."

"Oh," and Narcissa hastily wiped her eyes. " Oh, I'm sure my eyes are red. Harry? Why don't you go to him. Draco wouldn't like it if I came up teary-eyed again. He hates it so when I cry."

Harry consented, eager to see Draco. He went up the stairs, knowing his room was on the far right down the corridor. He could hear coughing from the ajar door.

"Mum?" came the weak voice when Harry walked in. The room was dark save for a blue night-light glowing at the foot of the handsome four-poster bed.

"It's me," Harry replied, walking towards the bed. He leaned over Draco, who looked at him a bit bleary-eyed, his cheeks flushed from fever.

"Hey," he managed to give him a small smile. "You came."

"Of course I came. We've got a date, remember?"

"Some date," Draco snorted shifting up the bed so that he was half-sitting propped up against the many fluffy pillows. " I usually don't get so sick after-must have been a bug I caught. The place is full of snotty kids."

Harry laughed, pulling up Draco's desk chair beside the bed. He reached over and felt Draco's forehead. "You're still warm," he observed.

"Hm..." Draco closed his eyes. "You're hand's cold. Feels nice..."

Harry caressed his cheek, smiling softly when Draco turned towards his touch.  He traced a long finger down Draco's slender nose and thin lips, feeling how chapped they were.

"Harry," Draco whispered, opening his eyes.

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry."

Harry's breath hitched. "For what?"

"For everything-for walking out on you and hurting you. I-I should've just told you."

"Yes, you should have." Harry leaned over and kissed Draco's forehead, "But I don't blame you-you were only trying to protect me, Draco."

"You're not angry?"

Harry smiled and shook his head. "i was at first, but now that I know why you did it, I can't possibly be angry."

"And you still love me?"

"More than ever." He bent down to kiss his lips and felt Draco smile against him, his hot breath searing on Harry's tongue.

 They kissed softly. Draco reached up and draped his arms around Harry's shoulders, pulling him closer. He arched into the kiss, sliding up the pillows.

"Someone's feisty," Harry breathed when they paused to catch their breath.

"I missed you," Draco replied, licking his now red lips. "You have no idea how many times I wanted to find you and at least see you once even though I knew you'd be angry."

"Then why didn't you come find me?"

Draco cradled Harry's face in his warm hands. "Because I didn't want to go knowing how angry you were with me."

Harry took his hands in his, kissing his palm before chaffing them lightly. "I'm here now and I don't plan on leaving you ever again," he smiled.

Draco smiled back tiredly, mesmerized by the way Harry's hazel eyes glinted in the dim light. He had always loved Harry's eyes-they were so bright and clear, like two beacons in the dark.  He looked away when they heard his mother at the door.

"Hello love," she greeted, planting a kiss on his forehead. "How do you feel?"

"Better," Draco honestly replied, giving Harry a quick smile.

"Well, how about something to eat then? You can have tea with Harry in the sun room-it's quite warm today."

Draco glanced at Harry who nodded. "Tea sounds great, Mum."

"Freshen up then-" she walked out of the room and in a minute they could hear her calling for Marie to set up the tea things.

"Marie's a new cook?" Harry asked as Draco sat up and swung his long legs over the side of the bed.

"Yeah. The other one quit after Dad passed." He found his fuzzy slippers and padded towards the bathroom. Harry sat on his bed and looked around his room as Draco turned on the tap. Not much had changed. Draco was still a voracious reader-the bookshelves were taller than Harry remembered-and he had a small telly next to his old stereo player that his father had gifted  him before passing. Records and cds made up the other collections-lining the walls in a circling spiral.  There were picture frames too on the mantel piece above the hearth and on his side-table. Harry picked up the mahogany framed photo on Draco's nightstand, smiling when he remembered the day they had taken it.

He had his arm around Draco's waist and Draco leaned into his touch, both smiling at the camera, perfectly content in each other's arms. It was taken on the lawn of their college campus in their senior year of studies. By that time, everyone who knew them knew about their relationship and no one questioned their devotion to each other. It was seldom they were even found without the other's company. Their friends joked that if they wanted to invite them to a party, all they had to do was pass on the message to one of them and the other would follow like glue.

Harry wished he could go back to those days. Their university years were really the best and Harry learned more about Draco in that short time than he had in all his childhood years. The bathroom door opened as he was setting the frame down and Draco padded out, looking still wane but fresh wearing his green silk pajamas.

"Do you want to stay for dinner? Tomorrow's Saturday," he asked, not quite looking at Harry.

Harry reached out and rubbed the silky hem of Draco's shirt before lacing his fingers through Draco's. "I'd love to," he smiled. "We could have that promised movie night then-right here in your bed."

"But I get to choose the movie. You're choice sucks."

"Hey! I'll have you know I've seen almost every movie that's come out," Harry indignantly replied and Draco merely tugged his collar.

"We'll see. Just don't make me watch the Bond movies or some gory war drama. I want something light for a change."

"As long as its not a chick flick," Harry remarked as they went down the stairs.

"But Harry! You love those!" he sarcastically cried and Harry poked him in the ribs, making him jump.

"At least I don't cry through them," he teased and Draco immediately stuck his out the way he used to when they were kids making Harry laugh and pull him in his arms.

He nuzzled his neck, holding him tight before Draco turned in his arms, pressing his hands against his chest. "Not here," he firmly replied. "I don't want Mum or Marie walking in on us. I think they have enough horrors to deal with."

Harry reluctantly released him, but not before he tasted his moist lips. Marie had already set the tea for them when they made it to the sun room. Draco's mother was busy opening pill bottles as they took a seat next to each other on the comfy cushions.

"So what are you up to these days, Harry?" Narcissa asked as she handed her son an array of colorful pills which he began downing with a helpful dose of water.

"I work in forensics," he replied, watching Draco wash down the medicine and wincing inwardly whenever he saw him grimace at the taste.

"Are you not on active duty anymore?"

"I work in the field sometimes, but since my injury, they'd rather I solve the crimes from the backdrop."

"What injury?" Draco asked, setting the empty cup down.

"Oh, it was just a bullet wound-nothing serious-"

"It must have been if they've taken you off duty." And though he tried to hide it, Harry could plainly see the worry in his grey eyes.

"I got shot in the thigh. I recovered in less than a month and I was hopping around long before that. I just can't run as well as I used to so they think me unfit for action."

"Well, I don't know about unfit, but I'm not complaining. I'd rather see you in one piece," Draco said, accepting his tea from his mother and taking a sip.

"Sugar, Harry?" Narcissa asked, smiling at the interaction between the boys.

"Two spoons," Draco replied before Harry could. "What? Don't look so shocked, Harry. Did you forget who cooked all those years at uni?"

"Of course. Chef Draco, how could I forget?"

"He couldn't even be bothered to make pasta," Draco told his mum. "And you used to call me lazy..."

Narcissa reached out and tousled his hair affectionately. "Yes, well, now that I have both my boys, I can feed you to my hearts content. Harry, you're much too lean for your line of work. We need to beef you up."

"I don't think beefing him up is ever going to work mum," Draco said, "He's got a faster metabolism than a cheetah. You've been living on takeout and haven't gained a pound have you?"

"What is this?" Harry remarked, chuckling slightly, "Pick on Harry day?"

"Oh but you aren't living on take out dear? It's very bad for your health," Narcissa asked, her motherly tone taking over.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Mum, you're asking the boy-who-burned tea! I wouldn't be surprised if they named a restaurant after him one of these days."

"Draco!" and Harry pretended offense as they laughed.

Narcissa sat back in her chair and listened to the boys' banter. She had missed her son's laugh. She couldn't remember the last time he had looked so happy and really, given all that he was going through, having Harry drop in to brighten his mood was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time.

**

Draco and Harry returned to Draco's room after tea. He would never admit it, but Draco was dead tired and Harry knew it. So he pushed the blonde on his bed and straddled him, leaning down to peck his lips as Draco fought Sleep.

"How about that movie?" he asked, brushing long fingers through blonde tresses.

"Mm...there's one that mum rented...on the bookshelf," Draco murmured.

Harry crawled off the bed and found the movie. He popped it in to the player and grabbing the remote, sidled back in bed. He stretched out beside Draco, throwing an arm around him so the blonde lay cuddled by his side, his head on Harry's shoulder.

"Inception," Harry raised an eyebrow. "Your mum likes sci-fi?"

"Blaise recommended it," Draco replied, curling his arm across Harry's stomach. He breathed in Harry's scent and felt Harry's lips kiss the top of his head.

"He knows?"

Draco nodded. "Blaise is the only one of my lot who didn't go somewhere fancy after graduation and you know what an asshole he is. He wouldn't leave me alone till I told him...and then he wouldn't leave at all."

Harry laughed at the antics of the dark boy  but he was glad Draco had had some support through all this, even if it was Blaise Zabini's.

"He used to bring me bags of lemon drops because that's all I could suck on when I couldn't eat and we'd play chess whenever it rained."

"Where is he now?" Harry asked when Draco grew quiet.

"He got married four days ago. He's still on his honeymoon."

Harry felt a stab of pain at the nonchalant way Draco responded. His best friend was married-he was starting a new life-moving up the ladder and Draco...Draco was staring Death in the face. He tightened his arm around Draco's thin shoulders.

"We can play chess whenever you want," Harry whispered and Draco chuckled.

"Really Harry? You know you'll lose." Harry had never beaten Draco at chess.

"I'll take my chances," he wryly replied.

Draco turned his head to look at him, his tired grey eyes sparkling with amusement. "Is that a challenge, Potter?" he smirked, reverting to their old, middle school rivalry.

"You can bet on it, Malfoy," Harry replied and they both burst out laughing.

**

Harry tried to follow the movie, but after a time, he gave up and simply lay watching Draco who was fast asleep, his legs thrown haphazardly over Harry's. Harry smiled when he remembered Draco's habit of sprawling over the bed so that by morning, Harry usually either ended up cramped in a tiny space with Draco's hair in his mouth or on the floor.

He felt Draco's forehead, noting that his fever was gone and pulled the covers over him, shaking his head at the dragons patterned all over the sheets. Draco was still a kid in so many ways...and yet...

Harry shook his head, refusing to dwell on such thoughts. He wouldn't encroach his emotions on Draco-not after he had seen how frail he had become. Draco had enough to worry about and he was trying hard to be strong for his mother. If it was Harry he could open up to, then Harry would hold in his frustration for Draco's sake.  He would be his strong pillar of support.

Four

Over the coming weeks, Draco and Harry saw each other almost every day. Harry took him on the promised movie date when Draco felt better and they spent lazy  weekends along the beach or at the aquarium which Draco had loved since he was a boy. They went on picnics to the park and had a grand time fishing at the conveniently remote lake at the Malfoy's family estate.

Draco was always laughing and smiling, and though Harry was grateful that he tried his best to keep his spirits up, as the weeks flew by, there settled in his heart a never-ending ache. Draco weakened daily and lost what little weight had kept him moving. He was confined to bed at the turn of spring that year. When Harry went to visit him, it was the first time Draco failed to return his thin smile.

He looked at Harry with gaunt eyes, blank and utterly hopeless. "Draco," Harry whispered as he knelt by the bed and took his warm hand in his. "I love you."

But Draco simply shook his head and turned away, tears trailing down his cheeks.

"Don't be like that-don't shut me out now," Harry pressed, crawling on the bed beside him and leaning over to brush his wet cheeks.

"I-I can't walk, Harry," Draco whispered after a time, his voice papery thin.

"Then I'll carry you where ever you want to go," Harry readily replied, kissing his forehead and offering a tender smile.

But Draco merely frowned. "You don't understand: I can't walk! I'm stuck to this stupid bed! I'm going to die here like some helpless mummy-paralyzed and weak! I don't want to die like this Harry! I don't-don't want to!"

Harry bit his own lip, controlling his fast flowing tears as he gathered Draco carefully in his arms, propping him against his chest. Draco sobbed against his neck, his head on Harry's shoulder. Harry simply held him, not knowing how else to offer comfort to the poor man. He loved Draco more than his own life, but

how could he help him when he couldn't fight death?

So he simply rocked him like a child till Draco's sobs subsided and he relaxed into Harry's embrace.  "Harry?"

"Hm?" Harry drew back to look into Draco's grey eyes, still glistening with unshed tears.

 "I want to go to Verona," he whispered.

"Verona?"

"My godfather's buried there. I-I wan to be buried next to him. Not here. I want to be next to him after I-after I-"

"Shh..." Harry gently cut him off and held him close, his throat tight as he spoke, "I'll take you there. If that's what you want Draco, we'll do it."

They lay in each other's arms in silence. Harry could feel Draco's breath calming as it ghosted over his neck and when he next brushed back the blonde strands, Draco  had fallen asleep, tear tracks still visible on his pale cheeks.

Harry smiled sadly and kissed Draco's head, shifting his in his arms before carefully laying him back down. He stretched beside him and felt Draco curl into his side, his fingers clutching the front of his shirt as though afraid to let go.

"I'm not leaving," Harry whispered, resting his head on Draco's pillow so that their locks, light and dark, tangled together. He snaked his arm around Draco's slim waist, pulling him closer before covering them both with a blanket. Draco's feet brushed his calves.

"Harry?"

"Yes, love?"

Draco's eyes cracked open. He looked at Harry for a long time, drinking him in before giving him  a timid smile. "You look like you haven't slept in a month. You're eyes are bruised."

"Are they?" Harry rubbed his eyes. "Do I look like a raccoon?"

Draco laughed weakly. "Worse."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to sleep more then," he said, wrapping his arms around Draco again. "How about we take a long nap together? I don't think your  mum'll miss us."

Draco nestled against him, giving a small nod, but Harry saw his smile fall.

"What's wrong?"

Draco bit his lip, which was trembling again. "All I do is sleep these days...I-I'm sor-"

But before he could apologize, Harry pressed his finger firmly against lips. "Don't you dare apologize to me, Draco!" he spoke none too gently, "I didn't come back just to hear your sorries. We both know you've done nothing wrong and I'm not here out of pity."

He titled Draco's chin up and brushed his lips against Draco's. "This...this is all I ever want from you-to hold you and to love you. I don't care about anything else, Draco. Just let me stay by your side. Let me love you like you deserve."

Draco couldn't help it. The tears flowed once more from his eyes. "Oh Harry," he sobbed, burning his face against his lover's chest, embarrassed at being so sentimental. But Harry merely hugged him tight, chaffing his back and kissing his neck.

"I love you," came Draco's muffled voice, "I love you, you romantic fool."

Harry chuckled, his own eyes misting over at Draco's confession. "I know, love, I know you do." And somewhere in the recesses of his heart, he knew he had known it even then.

He knew he had loved him all along.

Finished
~ 4/14/12